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Miriam, Virgin Mother triptych 2008 Artist: Bruce Herman |
At 5:30 this morning I sat in our living room with the house completely quiet and the Christmas tree glowing… these are some of my favorite moments of the year when I can sit and read and reflect in that stillness. As I sat there I reflected on one of the best articles, With Child: Pregnancy and the Incarnation, that I’ve read in my alma matter’s magazine, STILLPOINT. The article was only a page long but it really made me think (link below).
I’ve realized that I’ve been discontent for nine months. I wish I could tell you that I handled pregnancy with grace and ease but I haven’t. I thought about everything I wished I could have been doing instead of what I was doing. Let me quote my favorite line from this article I read: “At many points in our lives we need to obey the admonition of Jesus- that the one who receives a child in His name receives the Lord himself… We’re not just in the abstract, being asked by God to receive a child, but in a fleshly, demanding way to receive a particular child. ‘Here, Jackie, meet Caedmon: he’s a very special boy, made in My image; shelter and feed him.’”
I wish I realized sooner that this was SUCH a neat thing to be going through pregnancy at the same time Mary did it with Jesus 2000 years ago… Despite the fact that I’ve had it rough with near constant sickness for 6 ½ months and some bad reports on Baby’s health I’m pretty sure that Mary had it just a smidge more rough than I did… after all, she was a virgin and not married (basically she could be killed for that back then). She had to get to the place she was giving birth on a donkey (I don’t even like donkeys. Long story but it all goes back to Pinocchio when I was little.). And she gave birth in a stable, Lord willing, I’ll be in Beverly Hospital where I have the option of an epidural (thank God). And you know what, if she had morning / all day sickness I’m pretty sure they didn’t have Zofran to help her keep food down.
I’m committing to really making this advent a season of preparation, both for the birth of Christ and the birth of Drew. In these 22ish days remaining I want to be constantly learning to receive Drew the way I would receive the Lord himself. This child is made in God’s image and it is such a profound GIFT to be entrusted with caring for this tiny little human being. My discontent came from feeling like I was no longer “me” because I couldn’t do certain things while pregnant. If I’m honest with myself about wanting this to be a season of preparation then I better realize how much more limited things will be after actually having Drew! Agnes Howard put it well… “we are being asked to receive a child in a fleshly, demanding way”… Give me the grace, Lord, to do that well.
Link to the article I mentioned above: http://www.gordon.edu/article.cfm?iArticleID=1034&iReferrerPageID=1676&iPrevCatID=134&bLive=1
Love this blog post, Jen! You have such a great outlook…wishing you the best as you prepare for baby Drew 🙂
I truly appreciate and enjoy reading your posts!! I admire your honesty and agree that myself and others I know have all said and thought similar things regarding how pregnancy/having a child/children really changes everything. I have 3 cute, crazy, loving children and although they can make things super-hectic, I don’t know who I would be or what I would do without them. Jen, you are going to have the most amazing feelings when you finally hold baby Drew against you and take him all in!! That love can’t be explained, but you will know exactly what I mean when you meet him. I will be keeping you in my thoughts and prayers as the big birthday arrives, can’t wait to hear the announcement and see some photos. Take care!! Jen Barnatt
Jen, thanks for sharing!!! Well put. I can’t wait to check out that article.
I keep learning over and over that I can view my kids through the lens of how they limit me, or through the lens of what a gift they are.
I love this beautiful quote…it helps me remember that there is no “old” me, just a new, different me, that now includes a new facet: mother.
Love ya girl! Praying for Drew/you, esp. after your last post regarding some uncertainties. Have never had that…extra grace to you!
“The moment a child is born, the mother is also born. She never existed before. The woman existed, but the mother, never. A mother is something absolutely new.”
~Rajneesh